This is a depressing post. Don’t read it. Unless you are one of those super happy, positive people who don’t get easily depressed then read on, my friend. But you’ve been warned.
Limbo sucks and I’m stuck in it. We were planning on leaving for our snowbird season down south a couple of weeks ago. We should be in sunny California about now. But instead I’m stuck here waiting for doctors to take a piece of me, examine it under a microscope, and then tell me what my future is going to look like.
And just when I thought my future was in my own hands.
I haven’t been posting very regularly lately because I’ve been busy having various types of scans and tests. They’ve narrowed it down to two things. It’s either going to be nothing to worry about at all and I can go on my merry way. Or, it’s going to be very, very bad. But the pictures don’t look right, so they can’t say one way or the other right now.
You see, I’m not naturally a very positive person. I always prepare for the worst so I’m not disappointed and maybe I’ll even be pleasantly surprised. But that tactic isn’t very healthy for me right now. In fact, it’s totally making me panic.
In the past I have used photography to help me focus on the good and beautiful things in the world. It’s takes my attention away from the bad and on to the good. Using photography as tool this way has helped me change my life and see the world differently.
But I don’t know if it’s going to work this time.
When I changed my life to become a nomadic photographer two years ago I finally found more happiness. And now I sure am glad I made that change when I did. You just never know what the future holds. But suddenly this fear in my life has pushed me back to where I started, and I see and think only negative things. Everyone says I should think positively, but I don’t seem to have that ability.
I guess I’ll have to try relying on photography again to pull me out of my pit of negativity and try to see and think good things again.
I miss California.
I just wanted to tell you that I’ve only recently discovered your blog, but always take such joy from your photos. I will be thinking of you as you get your test results and am hoping for the very best for you. Thank you for sharing your joy of photography and nature with me and I hope to see the world through your lens for many more years to come.
Best regards,
Rachel
Dear Anne,
First of all, I’m sending you a big, big HUG XXX – there you have it.
Girl, you gotta have faith. Isn’t that a song? Anyway…I was wondering when you will get to hear the final result of all the testing they have done. ‘Cause the waiting is the worst part. Once you know what you’re battling with, you will have the strength to do so.
I won’t go into details, because this is about you, and not me, but in my small family, we’ve dealt with several serious health issues. It’s hard to do so, but you need to be positive, when you can…and when you can’t, it’s OK to feel very sorry for yourself. I hope you have family and a couple of precious friends near you, to support you if necessary, to cheer you up, to do normal and fun things with you. And together, you’ll face whatever is heading your way.
And who knows, perhaps the doctors might have good news after all?
Keeping my fingers crossed for the best news possible…
Here’s another hug, all the way from Belgium from another photography addict XXX
Best wishes on positive test results.
Ann,
Best wishes from a avid reader of yours.
Keep up the faith.
I completely empathize with what you are experiencing right now.
I had a similar situation earlier this year–either it was going to be not much of anything or just about as awful as it could get. (And this situation cropped up just as we were starting to plan for freedom, which for us looks remarkably like what you & your husband do–traveling photography.)
I was fortunate that it came out okay. During the wait, my friends were all into saying “you have to think positive!” To which I say, “No, I don’t.”
It is okay to be upset, scared, bummed out, angry…whatever.
I think those feelings are part of the process of dealing with what you have in front of you. You seem to be a generally positive person, so undoubtably you will return to that state once you have some answers and a plan to deal with whatever those answers are.
But, do what you need to do deal with things as they are right now, and don’t worry about the pressure to be “positive”.
Hugs & best wishes.
My prayers and thoughts are with you. Fall into your images and remember the great times you had making them. Then sit down and start writing out your plans for the next year, two years and 5 years after that as if this never happened. No seriously. Make your plans as if you never received bad news, pack, get your maps ready, charge your batteries and clean your lenses – that way when the tests come back in your favor you will be ready to head out the door right then. And finally, photograph your toes.
Dear Anne,
Don’t forget that everything is there for a reason, and that sickness is the best teacher. You learned a lot in the past years about photography, and that allowed you to help others become better photographers. Sickness, if this is your next mission, will teach you a lot too (hopefully how to be positive in life and appreciate everything you have), and with that, you will be able to help others and feel more serene about life.
Don’t forget too that life is only a step, not a finality. We come here to learn, and when we are done learning what we have to learn on this level, we go to the next level.
Don’t worry about what is coming, even though it looks bleak, because if you learn well, you will pass the exam and go to the next level (which will probably be more difficult, but hey, let’s cross the bridge when we get there).
All is good, Anne, and even more the learning process… you’ll get there before us! : )
I know the feeling of having cancer/health scares back on back…
Lean on family, friends and activities that make you smile…
Getting thru the limbo will be one step at a time, baby steps..
I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way..
Hugs,
Lisa
Oh, Anne, I am so dreadfully sorry that you are having to go through this. I have no wise words of wisdom or psychic cheer to offer – only my heartfelt best wishes for a positive outcome. Please accept a big electronic hug and know my thoughts are with you.
Laurie
Oh yes, I forgot, sicknesses is great for teaching us to live in the present which, I feel, is something you would gain to learn. All those dreams about photography and traveling are great, but they take you away from the real thing, the PRESENT.
I was also RVing for three years when the US Customs told me I couldn’t do it anymore (didn’t have a fixed address). I bought a “fixed address” on the Sunshine Coast, and now I am enjoying great things that RVing didn’t allow me to do (renovation projects, gardening, etc.).
And I went to see a specialist 2 weeks ago, that told me the physical deterioration I was suffering from since a few years is incurable. Fine, let’s learn from it! : )
I sent you an e-mail but just want to say here that I’m sending you a big hug and best wishes that everything will be just fine for you. Keep in mind all the good energy being sent your way. And Zoe Bear sends a bunch of licky-lick kisses.
Keep us posted.
Pray and trust. Do not let this time be robbed from u, turn it around!!
Hello Anne. I know you’ll probably get dozens of stories like mine. But I wanted to pass this on anyway. In 2004 my husband and I had sold our house, put everything in storage and were going to Europe for a long time. The day before we left I was diagnosed with breast cancer and all our plans went right out the window. This year when I was taking your photography class they thought it had come back, and I was late with several assignments. I couldn’t find the initiative to pick up my camera to produce something beautiful when I wasn’t feeling anything positive. But I made it through the first time, and this year it turned out to be just a scare. But I know what that waiting feels like. That’s the worst part. The not knowing. Once you know, then you can take action. But until then, you’re at someone else’s mercy. My thoughts are with you and I hope against hope that everything will be okay so that we out here can continue to learn from and be inspired by you.
Oh my, my prayers are with you during this unplanned “journey” of yours. I only found your blog several months ago and really admire your courage to pick up and chase what gives you joy. Hopefully you will have many more journeys into your favorite places!
(If you are tired of advice, please don’t read any further.)
In the meantime, slow down and look around. You have all those beautiful photographs to ponder, what a God-given gift you have. Sometimes we don’t have to chase the beauty in our lives. Your lack of travel for a while doesn’t have to keep you in limbo if you don’t let it. I’m an amateur and I LOVE macrophotography – just taking pictures of the tiny things in nature. Seashells are my favorite. They are so intricate. If you have them around your home, take pictures of them in piles, in groups, in singles, and crop your photos to your heart’s delight.
Anne, My thoughts and prayers are with you. May God bring a peace and calm to you and your family so that you may face the trials ahead.
You sound very much like I would be in such a situation. I am a glass half full person all the time but it only takes something what you are experiencing right now to make me feel the rug had been pulled out from beneath my glass. You will be in my thoughts and I hope for the very best of news for you. Always consider the second opinion option too.
Hi Anne,
So sorry to hear that you are not well.. My thoughts are with you and I hope the results come back with the all clear.. so you can start on your travels again.. I know it is is easier said than done.. but please stay positive.. and look after yourself.. Sending you a big hug xx
Thinking of you Anne! Very best wishes for good news! I’m living in California now (just north of Death Valley, southwest of Bishop), so I’ll hope to see you when you come down this way!
And California misses you Anne! Hopefully this will just be a blip on the radar and you’ll be on your way south in no time.
Stay positive and keep those creative juices flowing (even if only in front of the computer for now 🙂
Good luck Anne. I beleive all will be well and you will be in CA before you know it
Fingers crossed Anne ! Wishing you strength.
I have been wondering why I haven’t seen you post lately. I think waiting to hear news of that kind is terribly hard for anyone! I will pray that you are all right and can get back to your great adventure. God bless!
Having had a few family members go through what you are going through right now, I have some understanding.
I also know that you have a tendency to be negative… like me. It is hard for others to get the positive message through to people like us, but I will try.
Know this: With your photos, your writing, your courses and sharing of yourself, you have had a very positive effect on my life as well as undoubtedly many others.
Anne, my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time of waiting and uncertainty. Whether positive or negative, just let your feelings and emotions be real and true to you and not for others. We don’t always have to be in a positive spirit, but hopefully we can be full of HOPE. I will pray for strength and courage and also that the outcome is one that will give you the best possible news! You are inspiring and caring and have shared your life with us and thank you for trusting us with encouraging you through a chapter in your life. We love you and only wish the best for you! Take care of yourself! Giant {{{Hug}}} Blessings,
What to say? You will be in my thoughts and my heart and I will hold your camera until you get through it. You are much stronger than you think you are. Who else would take on an adventure like you chose unless they were a steel magnolia. Best wishes Anne…I too have been there.
Jan H.
Carson City
Hi Anne
A Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) coupled with a fighting spirit are the best weapons to combat any sickness. Fighting spirit you have and PMA you can learn. Use your photography for that, i.e. every time you feel down or sad, think of your favourite picture and how beautiful it is. Concentrate hard on doing so and all other thoughts will go away. To start with you have to force yourself but little by little it’ll become second nature. Try and you will see :o)
Think Good Thoughts
Being sick has a mental part,
So use your head to cure you.
Thinking good thoughts is the way to start,
And smiling works, I assure you.
Keep up your spirits to cheer yourself;
Don’t let the gloomies win.
A happy soul will get well fast,
And right now is the time to begin.
By Karl Fuchs
And, don’t forget us – we need you :o)
Eva
Hi Anne,
I just finished reading your most recent blog. There seems to be a lot of “limbo” going on, and a good bit is here in my Borrego Springs. I have added you to my personal prayer list and if it is ok with you, I would like to add you to my Woman’s Bible Study prayer list.
When you make it to your snowbird destination and if it happens to be in Borrego Springs, I would love to buy you a cinnamon roll and coffee at the Fudge Factory in town.
Blessings to you and your husband. Know that you are being lifted in prayer.
Tracey Beck
Borrego Springs, CA
So sorry to hear about your challenge. I wish I could add something additional than what others have said. Just know that my prayers are with you.
Best Wishes and many prayers
I wish for the best, Anne. You’ve worked hard to build this life for yourself and deserve to enjoy it.
PRAYING FOR POSITIVE RESULTS FOR YOU, ANNE & THAT SOON YOU WILL BE ON YOUR WAY TO CALIFORNIA! KEEP YOUR CHIN UP GF!!!
Keep the hopes and spirit up. Wish you the best. You are a great woman.
I hope and wish for good news for you!, and then that you can resume your plans very shortly. All the Best
Anne
Hoping for the best.
Paul
Hi Anne,
Sending you a big hello from Oz and wishing you the very best for good news soon. Yes the waiting is just the worst thing. We all know someone close who has been where you are, but you most likely won’t want to hear about that right now.
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful work. I look forward to much more of your talent in the future.
Thinking of you
Shirley 🙂
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this Anne. You will beat this and you will soon be on your way again. Hugs
Anne–I only discovered your blog awhile back and almost immediately downloaded one of your ebooks and found it very helpful. I’m so sorry to hear you’re facing this. Good luck, treat yourself right and–if you can without it being an incredible burden–keep posting. Ken
Dear Anne,
Open your aperture to the max and let the light in, during this dark time. Please god, you will get good news and if not that you will have the strength of family and worldwide friends to help you get through the times ahead.
Will light a candle for you tomorrow.
Best wishes
Eileen
Dear Anne. Your photography has been a source of inspiration to me since I discovered you early on in my photoblogging days when you were first setting out on your nomadic journey and found the time to visit my blog and replied to my comments on yours. I envied your courage to make such a seismic life change.
I really feel for you in your current situation. Uncertainty is so difficult to cope with, and it’s not surprising that your thoughts right now are negative. If, God forbid, you have a serious condition to face, then often that knowledge can provide a focus for a fighting spirit. And I say that from two perspectives – a personal one, as someone who has shared in your journey and experiences, and also as a retired doctor.
I do hope the biopsy will allay your fears and that you will not have to wait long for this uncertainty to be resolved one or another. Reading all the messages you have already received – it is so clear that there are many of us who thinking of you at this difficult time. God bless.
Anne,
Praying all will work out for you! I sent you a private email that I hope will give some insight in dealing with this. As photographers, we must stick together. Let me know if I can do anything.
Jim
Dear Anne,
Am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Have only been visiting your website for a short while but I have great admiration for you and the way that you have changed your life. Wishing you all the very best and sending big virtual hugs and positive vibes your way.
Ruth xx
Anne, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your photos and kind heart with so many.
Anne,
You are in my thoughts daily.
Please remember how much you have touched the lives of those around you and the contributions you have made to many of us to reach higher levels. You have given much and deserve the best.
Cheers,
Charles
Dear Anne, I recently found your blog, thru Photoshop Elements website. Your work is very inspiring to me and I’m looking forward to enjoying and learning more of photography. I pray and wish you the best for the outcome of your results. After reading your site, I feel your determination, and you will come thru this with fighting results.
Sincerely
Janis
Hi Anne,
I can see that pretty much anything that can be said, already has. I hope and pray that everything turns out to be fine with you. You will be in my prayers! Keep those creative juices flowing, and it may help you to feel better while you wait.
Lots of love and best wishes always!
Warm ((((((hugs))))))
Rachel
Anne, I gotta tell you…girl, you are the best. I know I can always see deeply moving images and positive thoughts when I come to your blog. Like my daddy used to tell me-“it’s when the going gets tough that the tough get going!” I know about waiting and how dismal it seems, but in there is a positive and an opportunity to grow… So hang in there Anne. Great things are just around the corner! Oh and by the way, you probably shouldn’t approach that corner timidly. Love ya’.
Anne, I am so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s always easy to say “think positively”. From what I’ve learned about you through your website I know you are a strong person. Sometimes God puts things in our lives that make no sense to us at all. I will tell you that he NEVER leaves our side. He is there for us through everything – including this. Put it all in His hands. I had to learn how to do that 13 years ago when I found out the cause of all my chronic pain & lost my job because it. It’s not easy to do – it didn’t happen right away with me but once I learned to fully trust in Him I went from negative to positive in an instant. I’ll pray for you for a clean test & bright future. Anne, I love you! I am so proud to be able to tell you what an inspiration you are to me & everyone who has dreamed of doing with their lives what you’ve done with taking yours. Stay strong Anne. There are a lot of people praying for you.
Anne,
Yeah, limbo sucks!! Hang in there girl. As you know, you have been such an inspiration to me and my wife and helped change the way we deal with my wife’s illness. We will always be indebted to you and always there for you. Loose yourself in your photography and your help to others if you can.
You and Ray are always in our thoughts.
George
My thoughts and prayers go out to you Anne. Hoping for the most positive outcome and for peace for you. Blessings, Robyn
At some point embrace it. It is part of your journey. What we judge as negative circumstances can actually teach us how to love ourselves and others. The supporting responses here are an example of that.
Best wishes.
R.
Send many prayers your way and thinking positive for you
Mary
Dear Anne life is full of obstacles, I’m sure this is no the first time you lost your sleep over something and this time too you will be a winner. I’ll send you the best of my wishes for this to be just a false alarm! I’m too waiting for a pathology report for a little thyroid mass… It could be only two things: benign and it stays there or malignant and it goes out right away… I’m ready! Still paying for the first option! Keep it strong my dear, we will laughing at this soon! Love from Miami!
Je suis de tout coeur avec toi dans cette épreuve …l’attente est souvent ce qui cause le plus de dommage. Par contre tu as des passions dont la photographie. Dans une situation semblable augmente tes occasions de te faire plaisir et des joies.
Pas toujours facile , je sais mais il faut que tu te changes les idées pour augmenter tes bonnes cellules pour ton système immunitaire. Je vais avoir des pensées pour toi et obtenir que des bonnes réponses suite à tes résultats
Amitié
Luc Lepage
Saint Jean-sur-Richelieu
Québec , Canada
Ann, I hope everything turns out alright.
Do not worry so much.
Dear Anne,
My prayers and thoughts are with you…
Best wishes…
Suji
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Anne. I’ve only recently “met” you, but enjoy your blog and look forward to reading your ebooks. We’re only part-time RVers, but enjoy the nomadic lifestyle when we can. I look forward to more posts.
Hi Anne – I only just saw your blog. I hope you receive only good news. I know it can be scary but keeping busy as you are is the best way not to let your fears overcome you.
Best of Luck!
Joanne
Oh dear, Anne! Just this weekend I was thinking you would be south by now and that we should have connected before you left. But now I see your blog and the anxiety your medical tests have brought to you, the financial side is minor by comparison. I hope the biopsy will be done soon, and that the results will be better than you are expecting. Until then, it is only natural to worry. I’ll certainly be thinking of you and sending good, healthy energy your way!
For now,
Darlene
I think you should follow your decisions these days, don’t just think about what others will react. Whatever you’ve in mind do it, to remain positive such way hopefully will be helpful for you. Once in my lifetime I was suffered same situation but than very toughly and spending long time within ruining condition I’ve gained confidence to live my life only following on my beliefs.
Dear Anne
I was diagnosed with cancer on Oct 23-13 and your last 2 E books got me through the limbo. You had such a positive effect on me . Your pictures are just so beautiful. They were what kept me going.
I wanted you to know that you are very important and because of the positive thinking I received from you that everything came out OK in the end.
Cancer is a scary word but now days they have made so much advance that it is no longer a death sentence. I would recommend that you seek 2 different opinions . My first opinion was very bleak but when I saw a specialist in a cancer center it all changed for the positive. As of Nov 14. I am now cancer free,
Something to think about ? Thank you again for all the joy you brought into my life. My prayers are with you. Marie
It is what it is and no matter what it is, your life will go on, somewhere.
So, just go on living fearlessly.
Teodora.
Anne,
I hope you can draw comfort and strength from the well-wishes of your many fans and admirers… count me as a big one!
You are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time. Best wishes.
Having just come through 9 months of cancer treatment I can remember how scary it was at the beginning when I didn’t know if it was bad news, and then when I knew it was, I didn’t know how bad for another week. That was the toughest week of my life. I would just like to say if it is bad news, it is not always as bad as it first seems. Cancer brought me many ‘silver linings’. I’ve grown as a person. I’ve had lots of meaningful contact with friends and family, much more than I ever had before. I’ve made new friends. I’ve noticed beautiful things around me that I took for granted before. I’ve been able to support others going through a similar thing. The list goes on.
How are you going Anne. No dates here so I dont know when you got the bad news. I hope the wait is over and you know whats up. This sort of news we all fear; I read that 50% of us will get cancer, but also that many (most?) recover – hope you are in that group! Meantime, make the most of time.
regards
Hello Anne,
Just wanted to add my hugs and prayers that things will turn out well for you. I haven’t been through a health scare like yours, but I fight depression on a regular basis as I struggle to find a job–limbo definitely sucks! You have encouraged me to spend more time with my images, and I really like what one of your commenters wrote, “Pray and trust. Do not let this time be robbed from you, turn it around!” Hang in there!
Anne,
I have been several times in my life where you are now… if you need to “talk” you have my personal email.
I read many years ago “The power of positive thinking”. In essence, fill your life with laughter and joy in whatever ways you can find it… in music (my anthem now is “Don’t worry be happy”) and only funny, silly movies, and funny books.
Relaxation and meditation can help.
I have enjoyed all your posts and photos and I hope you will again find joy and peace in capturing beauty in moments that can only last a moment.
Think “WELL”.
Danelle
Been away and busy so I haven’t been on-line much lately. Just saw the “Limbo Sucks” post and by this point I hope you’re not in limbo still. I just returned from a 45 year Coast Guard reunion and was surprised how many cancer survivors there were, some with multiple cases and all doing well. The friends that were no longer with us had passed due to heart trouble or auto accidents, hopefully that is positive news.
Good luck and I plan on reading your blogs for a long time.
Lee
Prayers your way, Anne!!
Dear Anne,
I was just following up on a tip to get one of your e-books and came upon this posting. At first I was hesitant to read it but I’m glad I did, because by sharing your distressing situation you have invited this wonderful support. People who obviously only know you online still care and share their healing thoughts and I hope you are soaking it all up. I believe good will come of this – stay strong and keep taking pictures.
Go, girl!
Evalyn
Hi Anne, just letting you know I, among others, am hoping and praying for a good outcome. Thinking of you and all your artistic photography for the world to enjoy! I’m like you, I always want to be prepared for the worst, so as to be ready for anything. Sending you good thoughts!
Anne,
Please take comfort in knowing that you are teaching so many of us! I enjoy your blog and photos, I have recently became totally engulfed in photography and showing as well as hopeing the world can see the simple things in life presented through a lens.
Take good care, chin up girl xoxo
Chance Rollison
Hi Anne,
So glad everything turned out ok for you! We tend to take our good health for granted while we have it. Had a similar scare before we left for California in October. Love your work! Heard you speak when you were on Gabriola. As a career counsellor, I really enjoyed your message of career change and have referenced you in my book which will be available in February. I hope it will send more people your way.
We are staying just south of Palm Springs – near the Salton Sea. Would be great to cross paths again.
So glad you made your career change when you did. You are definitely on your right path now.
Enjoy California!
Jan
Anne glad to hear all is well with you, hope you have a great trip.
Merry Christmas & Happy healthy New Year.
Love all the photographic tips on your site, really helping me with my photography.
David
Anne, Thank God for the wonderful news!!! What a great Christmas gift!!! Hope you have a Fantastic New Year!
Sherry Wyne
Praise the Lord for the “cloud nine” news. We are so-so blessed in this short life and I’m thrilled with the news. God has blessed you with a great gift of reaching others through your photography. I know you have with me. I’ll continue to pray that you’ll live your dream for a long, long time! I know that your perspective on everything has been changed forever.
Have a Merry, Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year,
Ken (fellow landscape photographer)
PS
Hope to have my website up before spring.
I agree with sherry great news is like a crane. It takes offf the load. And allows us to reset our compass
I just recently found your blog and wanted to say that I’m glad things worked out as they did! About 10 years ago I was also in limbo due to a head injury that didn’t want to get better. I know exactly how limbo sucks!
So glad I found this site!